Tag Archives: vulnerability

13 Awesome Ways to Avoid Intimacy in a Relationship

      1. Stay extremely busy. Oh my gosh, don’t spend time with your partner. Always make sure you don’t have time to sit, be present, or share. Or if you do, don’t really “be” there. Make sure your mind is so busy and full that there is no room for anything else. Focus on getting a lot of things done and done well. Projects are way more important than people.
        BONUS: If you can sacrifice yourself in the process, maybe you can make the other person feel guilty for complaining about your lack of presence.
      2. Judge your partner. Whether it is out loud or silently to yourself, make sure you find and highlight their faults. Try making a list. This will justify you avoiding them and also justify avoiding intimacy. It also validates your superiority. If you are above them, you totally don’t need to be intimate.
      3. Remember everyone else needs to change. Don’t accept your partner for who they are. Easily see their faults and make sure to highlight them. Then make sure they feel bad for them, otherwise what’s the point?
      4. Stay self-absorbed. It doesn’t matter that you’re in a relationship. Everything is still about you and will always be about you. Your needs, challenges, interests, and thoughts are far more important than anyone else’s.
      5. Don’t trust. Everyone is untrustworthy until proven otherwise. Especially your partner.
      6. Be dishonest or silent. Don’t be honest, that’s lame. Speak everything but the truth. That door is meant to stay closed.
      7. Do not express your needs and feelings. Similar to #6. If you don’t express your needs and feelings, it’s so much easier to blame others for not meeting or appreciating them.
        BONUS: when your partner shares their innermost feelings with you, brush them off or joke about them.
      8. Do not listen. And even if you do listen, don’t really hear or think about what your partner is saying. Just wait for a break so you can keep talking about whatever it is that you want to talk about. Avoid validating their perspective at all costs.
      9. Do not respect your partner. And make sure your behavior toward your partner does not warrant respect either.
      10. Retain all the power. You are more important than your partner. You are smarter, and you have so much more important information to share, so of course you deserve to have the platform and control all the time.
        BONUS: try playing the martyr or victim. These roles give you an entirely different level of power.
      11. Argue for fun. You don’t need to resolve anything. You just need to get your point across and/or cause distress to your partner.
        BONUS: Make sure you are sure you are angry first, and inflict emotional pain.
      12. No touching. Physical touch is far too intimate. Just don’t do it.
      13. SPECIAL BONUS: Share this list with your partner with the intent to judge or shame them.



The thing we want most is also the thing we are most afraid of.


Sounds like truth and feels like courage.

I think about vulnerability a lot. The word floats in and out of my brain like an unresolved melody. Why do people struggle with it so much? Why do I struggle with it so much? What does it even mean? How do we define it?

First off, society proposes that being superhuman, bulletproof, and tough are what we strive for. I’ve always felt that way myself. And I have developed a certain resiliency to which I attach a certain pride. And I always sort of perceived vulnerability as a weakness, as something to put a wall around and to protect. This is not necessarily a healthy mentality.

I was just reading from the book “Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown…it’s a fantastic book that explores vulnerability and its vital importance to well-being. She says,

Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in.

and quoted from Theodore Roosevelt’s famous speech in April of 1910 in France:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again…who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…

Brené says vulnerability “sounds like truth and feels like courage” – and those things are not weaknesses. In her book, she explores these questions:

  • What drives our fear of being vulnerable? (I can answer that one for myself)
  • How are we protecting ourselves from vulnerability? (pretty sure I know the answer to this, too)
  • What price are we paying when we shut down and disengage?
  • How do we own and engage with vulnerability so we can start transforming the way we live, love, parent, and lead?

I ‘bolded’ that one up there because it’s one that I am focusing on for myself.

This is a current topic I am swishing around in my mind.
Hmm, that sounds like mouthwash. Well maybe it is…mouthwash for my brain. lol. I’d like to clean some of the bacteria out of there, you know, the stuff that’s not helping.


I’ll probably think about this for awhile and blog more later…