Tag Archives: snow

The voices in your head

I am not the best blogger in the world (note the delay between this blog post and the last), for two reasons:

  1. I am an internal processor: I ponder things a lot before I formulate and express how I feel and what I think about things.
  2. I have a love/hate relationship with social media in regards to my personal life.

Here is a photo to prove that I’m alive and doing things. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Me and a blanket of gorgeous white
Me and a blanket of gorgeous white, a few weeks ago

With that thought out of the way, I’m gonna talk about voices.

There are so many voices in the world. Voices that tell us what to believe and who to believe, and what to think about life and what to think about ourselves. The voices come from everywhere; media, friends, the past, friends, your worries, family…you name it. And let me tell you, they are relentless.
And sometimes very loud.
And sometimes very subtle and hard to pinpoint.

In my opinion, the voices that are internal, that have had homes within our minds and hearts for a long time, are the hardest to manage or challenge. Last week I had a moment where I was caught between two different internal voices, each pulling me in a different direction. Each was an idea, a potential belief I could hold about myself. One was quiteย  negative, the other more positive in nature.

For some reason, in that in-between moment, I was more conscious than usual that I had a choice. It was up to me which voice I was going to listen to, and therefore, which one I was going to believe.ย  At that point, the choice was easy. I will gladly flush that old negative voice/idea down the toilet and adopt a better one.

Of course most of you are aware of this concept (as was I). But as I’ve said before, practicing it is a completely different thing. It was a super empowering moment, to know I can choose how I feel about myself, and therefore, how I feel about the world.

I can choose to reject the crappy no-good voices that don’t do me any good. And I can change my life by choosing to listen to the voices that affirm, reinforce, and uplift.

We all hear voices in our heads. ๐Ÿ˜‰
But we can choose which ones to listen to.

DSCN0036
View from the plane PDX>SLC

 

When I’m sixty-four

Snowed in today. My car hates this kind of weather and it reminds me every time I attempt to drive in it. Or maybe it’s my tires that hate it. Or maybe I just hate it? /gazes off into oblivion, lost in thought
In any case, I’m staying put. Thankfully, I have plenty to do here (new job!!!).

The title is because the song is stuck in my head. It does relate to my topic. Kinda.

I had an interesting experience whilst unemployed. I was a full-time student for years, preparing to finish school. Suddenly, I was a graduate with a lot less to do. Even though I knew it was coming, it was a surprisingly uncomfortable place to be. But not just because I didn’t have a job. It had more to do with how I define myself.

I had based my identity and general sense of worth on being a good student, on being busy, multitasking. That’s not a bad thing. I think it’s good to appreciate one’s abilities. But when those were suddenly gone, I grappled with the idea of being ok without them.

This was a good space to be in, because it forced me to accept me without those things. What if my skills were taken away? What if I could never use them again? What if I was limited in the way I creatively express myself? What if I lost the use of my hands? What if I lost my sight? Take away any of those things that can be taken away. What is left?
Am I still ok? Am I still lovable?

Darn right I am.

And so are you.
Because what IS left? What is the most lasting ability we can have? I really don’t want to make this all cheesy, buuuut it’s pretty much love.
Here’s a little sketch I did just for you, to prove my point. Thanks for backing me up, John.
Image

p.s. when I was a kid, I thought the words to that Beatles song were “when I’m six feet four”…yeah. That’s not happening.