It is so fascinating to watch life unfold, to watch my own growth. I’ve been paying attention to things that have been changing recently. I noticed today that I can say for the first time that I have developed a secure trust in myself, specifically in my ability to choose. My actual ability to choose or intuit hasn’t changed, but my confidence in that ability has.
I no longer second and third-guess. And that is a big deal for me.
This has been a long time coming, since I used to constantly question my conclusions. I was pretty sure they were alright, but I always felt “iffy” until I got some kind of reassurance or confirmation from another source. Today is the first day I realized that I don’t rely on it like a crutch anymore. Of course additional confirmation is welcome and sometimes appropriate, but in general the feeling of insecurity related to this is gone.
I have been given a lot of tools and blessings. I know how to use them for their intended purposes. So I am using them! Without worry or wondering. It’s such a feeling of freedom!!
I’ve been meaning to blog for some time. Thoughts come flitting in and out of my mind constantly, but I never seem to be near my computer when that happens. But here I am, sitting at my computer. So I have no excuse.
What is on my mind? This.
I have been thinking about insecurities all day. I don’t like to admit I have them (who does?). I do just fine in my everyday life, thank you very much, being all independent and Katie-like. Then once in awhile out of the blue, something unexpected, and sometimes un-pinpointable (that’s not a word but I don’t care) will test it and voila – there they are. And then I spend some time struggling with their existence.
Insecurities are like when an animal hears a particular noise and associates it with something scary. From that point on, their fight-or-flight mode is likely to be triggered by the same noise, whether there is a real threat or not. So it is with humans, sometimes. I have found that it takes a conscious training to undo this type of ingrained reaction.
Stupid subconscious insecurities that randomly make themselves known at inconvenient times, I think to myself.
Haha, but I just laughed, because when is it ever convenient? And actually, the point they appear is most likely the point they are meant to appear. Because that is how it is. Thanks, Universe.
My plan was to take a million beautiful pictures at Silver Falls so that all of you can see and appreciate the absolutely gorgeous state that I live in. But the camera I have been using decided to mysteriously stop working. Let me tell you though – it was a great day. Breathtaking scenery, wonderful earthy smells, mud on my clothes. Here are some pictures from the iPhone.
The majesty of the falls, and so many in one location…and the green! This land is so lush. I live in an Eden, and I am so grateful to be able to enjoy it.
On to my topic of pondering this last week. I was thinking about love again. I tend to think about that a lot: Self-love. Love of nature. Love for mankind. Love for living things. Everyone wants love, right? Sometimes we want it so much that we either demand it (which tends to push it further from us) or we forget to give it away. And by give it away, I mean give away selflessly with no hidden agenda, or strings attached… not expecting in a critical way or demanding things in return. Just love for the sake of loving another person for who they are.
I think when a person is brooding, frustrated, depressed, angsty or self-involved, though they might be desperate for love, these things tend to hinder their ability to accept it into their lives. Here’s my advice (which I am giving to myself as well);
1) Love and accept yourself. Take care of yourself the way you would want someone else to take care of you. Be more gentle, patient and forgiving with yourself. I believe when you are centered and accepting of who you are, you will attract someone who will also accept you for who you are, and you will also have a greater capacity to love someone else. You’ve probably heard this before.
2) Relax. Let go. It’s ok. Accept what is now. Accept whatever the universe has in store, and that there are good things coming. Also believe that it already exists. Remove yourself from this moment in time and look at all of time from a distance, in one big chunk. See? From that perspective, it already exists.
“But what if it doesn’t exist, ever?” you ask yourself. Well, I think it’s partially our choice. We can close ourselves off to it if we want. We can stay stuck. We can be afraid. We can let insecurities hold us back. Or we can be open and patient.
In a way, we generate our own love by giving it to ourselves and by giving it away…because then we have a greater capacity to accept it, and more love will be able to come into our lives. That’s what I think.
p.s. I hiked over 8 miles up and down crazy paths and my legs are pretty upset with me today. But it was sooo worth it!! I’m going again!
Disclaimer: Katie D is not a professional love expert. This site is not designed to and does not provide professional love advice, diagnosis, opinion, treatment or services to you or to any other individual. Through this site and linkages to other sites, I provide general information for educational purposes only.
This pretty much represents the week in weather here:
Ah, western Oregon. How I love you and your abundance of rain. It’s why things are so green. 🙂 I do love the rain. I especially love sleeping with the window cracked at night so I can hear it and smell it. So relaxing…so refreshing.
Apparently I’m all about gifs tonight.
Oh, and there’s a thing about umbrellas. There’s an old adage that only tourists have them here? I am an Oregon native and it’s true that I don’t have one. But let me explain. It does rain a lot here, but it mostly drizzles…like a gentle refreshing mist of love kisses from the skies. So it’s not anything that one usually needs an umbrella for. But I wish I did have one because once in awhile it rains hard, as The Doctor is demonstrating.
Also, I’d like to clarify that in the Eastern 2/3 of Oregon it doesn’t rain as much, since it is more of a desert climate. We make up for it over here on the west side though. It is a bit more densely populated on the west side, so I think that’s why we hear about it more. And it really doesn’t rain alllll the time. We had a snowstorm, sunshine, windstorm, and rain all within a week and a half. Yay, variety!
Because of the weather, this has been stuck in my head all week:
Remember this song, guys?? Well, if you haven’t heard it you can thank me for bestowing upon you this educational tune about the benefits of rain.
So that’s what I have to say about rain. It probably won’t be the last I bring it up.
I wanted my first Thursday post to be about Oregon, since that is one of my loves and where I reside…but another topic has been on my mind a lot. (I’ll give you a nice Oregon update with lots of pretty pictures later. Cross my heart!)
Brace yourselves, because I am super excited.
I love languages! I love learning the patterns, the rules, the accents, the culture that is tied into the language, how pretty the lines and swirls and shapes of the letters are…everything about it.
I took French for almost 9 years (someday I shall go there…/wistful sigh). I know a little Spanish, and a teeny bit of Russian. For some reason I have been obsessed with learning Korean over the past 6 months. It’s a relatively simple language to learn, compared to some, and here are a few reasons why: it’s phonetic, and Korean hangeul is a very simple and easy-to-learn alphabet:
If you want to learn, here are some good places to start!
www.talktomeinkorean.com – these guys are my favorite. Tons of helpful videos and a free podcast of lessons you can download onto your phone!
Korean Class 101 – this YouTube channel has tons of lessons that are very simple and straightforward.
http://sweetandtastytv.com/learnkoreanwithprofessoroh – I like this video playlist because there are worksheets under each video that you can print out to practice! “Professor Oh” also has a YouTube channel with waaaaay more videos about Korean food, culture, history, and more. She’s pretty entertaining.
And not many know this about me buuuuut I watch K-dramas. That is a great way to get yourself motivated to learn the language, right?! 😉 If you want to know my favorites, let me know! heh heh
Have I scared you off, yet? Does anyone else get this excited about languages?
p.s. if anyone wants to know how to pronounce the title (which means “Hello”), listen here: