Ever feel like you have dug yourself a hole (with words), but you can’t stop talking and you just keep digging that hole deeper and deeper? To the point where you can’t remember why you started digging it to begin with? Then you get all turned around and don’t know how to get out?
I think humans (and by humans, I mean me…) are really good at confusing themselves when strong emotions are involved. The more confused we are, the less likely we are to have to reach a conclusion. This subconscious tactic seems to be most often used when either possible conclusion is scary.
Clarity can be elusive. Life can be scary. I don’t like that. Every time I think I’ve kicked fear in the teeth, it resurfaces with a new face. And sometimes I feel like people draw me out of the hole just to wound me. Thus, the nice warm, safe hole in the ground.
So my conclusion is…I don’t have one. And that’s how it is sometimes. I’ma just stay in this hole until there’s a good reason to come out. Ha.
…and yes I’m aware this is not the first time I’ve blogged about hiding in holes. So what. Maybe I like the dirt:
I thought I wasn’t going to post much in words tonight, but it turns out I have a lot of things bubbling over and they’re just going to spill out right here.
Sometimes you’re wide open and embracing the world, full of love and hope, everything is colored with promise, and cheesy music plays in the background of your life (possibly “The Hills are Alive” but I can’t confirm that).
Other times, once in awhile (sudden shift in mood music), the world is crowding in on your personal space and you dig yourself a hole and hide in it.
That’s ok. Dig it as deep as you need.
You can even cover the top. You be all comfy in your little hole until you feel like coming back out into the world. I give you permission.
Ok? That’s right.
Need some blankets? Here.
Something warm to drink? Here, whipped this up just for you.
Take your time. You don’t *have* to do anything you’re not ready to do. You are in control of you. If you need this break, you take it. As soon as you feel less pressured, you are more likely to make a good decision anyway.
And this, because it’s amazing. And what I might listen to if I were deep in thought and being reclusive down in a hole.