- Stay extremely busy. Oh my gosh, don’t spend time with your partner. Always make sure you don’t have time to sit, be present, or share. Or if you do, don’t really “be” there. Make sure your mind is so busy and full that there is no room for anything else. Focus on getting a lot of things done and done well. Projects are way more important than people.
BONUS: If you can sacrifice yourself in the process, maybe you can make the other person feel guilty for complaining about your lack of presence.
- Judge your partner. Whether it is out loud or silently to yourself, make sure you find and highlight their faults. Try making a list. This will justify you avoiding them and also justify avoiding intimacy. It also validates your superiority. If you are above them, you totally don’t need to be intimate.
- Remember everyone else needs to change. Don’t accept your partner for who they are. Easily see their faults and make sure to highlight them. Then make sure they feel bad for them, otherwise what’s the point?
- Stay self-absorbed. It doesn’t matter that you’re in a relationship. Everything is still about you and will always be about you. Your needs, challenges, interests, and thoughts are far more important than anyone else’s.
- Don’t trust. Everyone is untrustworthy until proven otherwise. Especially your partner.
- Be dishonest or silent. Don’t be honest, that’s lame. Speak everything but the truth. That door is meant to stay closed.
- Do not express your needs and feelings. Similar to #6. If you don’t express your needs and feelings, it’s so much easier to blame others for not meeting or appreciating them.
BONUS: when your partner shares their innermost feelings with you, brush them off or joke about them.
- Do not listen. And even if you do listen, don’t really hear or think about what your partner is saying. Just wait for a break so you can keep talking about whatever it is that you want to talk about. Avoid validating their perspective at all costs.
- Do not respect your partner. And make sure your behavior toward your partner does not warrant respect either.
- Retain all the power. You are more important than your partner. You are smarter, and you have so much more important information to share, so of course you deserve to have the platform and control all the time.
BONUS: try playing the martyr or victim. These roles give you an entirely different level of power.
- Argue for fun. You don’t need to resolve anything. You just need to get your point across and/or cause distress to your partner.
BONUS: Make sure you are sure you are angry first, and inflict emotional pain.
- No touching. Physical touch is far too intimate. Just don’t do it.
- SPECIAL BONUS: Share this list with your partner with the intent to judge or shame them.
The thing we want most is also the thing we are most afraid of.