Tag Archives: emotions

13 Awesome Ways to Avoid Intimacy in a Relationship

      1. Stay extremely busy. Oh my gosh, don’t spend time with your partner. Always make sure you don’t have time to sit, be present, or share. Or if you do, don’t really “be” there. Make sure your mind is so busy and full that there is no room for anything else. Focus on getting a lot of things done and done well. Projects are way more important than people.
        BONUS: If you can sacrifice yourself in the process, maybe you can make the other person feel guilty for complaining about your lack of presence.
      2. Judge your partner. Whether it is out loud or silently to yourself, make sure you find and highlight their faults. Try making a list. This will justify you avoiding them and also justify avoiding intimacy. It also validates your superiority. If you are above them, you totally don’t need to be intimate.
      3. Remember everyone else needs to change. Don’t accept your partner for who they are. Easily see their faults and make sure to highlight them. Then make sure they feel bad for them, otherwise what’s the point?
      4. Stay self-absorbed. It doesn’t matter that you’re in a relationship. Everything is still about you and will always be about you. Your needs, challenges, interests, and thoughts are far more important than anyone else’s.
      5. Don’t trust. Everyone is untrustworthy until proven otherwise. Especially your partner.
      6. Be dishonest or silent. Don’t be honest, that’s lame. Speak everything but the truth. That door is meant to stay closed.
      7. Do not express your needs and feelings. Similar to #6. If you don’t express your needs and feelings, it’s so much easier to blame others for not meeting or appreciating them.
        BONUS: when your partner shares their innermost feelings with you, brush them off or joke about them.
      8. Do not listen. And even if you do listen, don’t really hear or think about what your partner is saying. Just wait for a break so you can keep talking about whatever it is that you want to talk about. Avoid validating their perspective at all costs.
      9. Do not respect your partner. And make sure your behavior toward your partner does not warrant respect either.
      10. Retain all the power. You are more important than your partner. You are smarter, and you have so much more important information to share, so of course you deserve to have the platform and control all the time.
        BONUS: try playing the martyr or victim. These roles give you an entirely different level of power.
      11. Argue for fun. You don’t need to resolve anything. You just need to get your point across and/or cause distress to your partner.
        BONUS: Make sure you are sure you are angry first, and inflict emotional pain.
      12. No touching. Physical touch is far too intimate. Just don’t do it.
      13. SPECIAL BONUS: Share this list with your partner with the intent to judge or shame them.

 

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The thing we want most is also the thing we are most afraid of.

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Things I have learned (and re-learned) in the past week

Utah has fantastic sunsets.

My fan club will be there when I need it.

Big change will be weird and difficult for a period of time, it’s uncomfortable, and it’ll give you some hellishly freaky dreams, but that’s ok.

Wounds from random parts of life can be healed when you least expect it.

Forgiveness is a welcome and beautiful thing. I feel like there was forgiveness going all different ways, between multiple people this past week. It’s reassuring.

Other thoughts on dating:

One of my single parent friends says that she won’t date anyone who has never been married, or who doesn’t have kids. Which surprised me, and was a foreign concept at the time. At that point, I had never dated anyone with kids even though I have two myself. Actually, come to think of it…I still haven’t.

But I’m starting to understand why. As a single parent, I have discovered that I have little to no patience when it comes to dating and waiting to see if it’s ok with a guy that I have kids. Which has happened on several occasions. If I date someone who has been married or who has kids, we can automatically relate on those two levels and it’s a less scary topic. I see how that can be a protection for both people involved. I am 34. Life marches on, and I don’t have the emotional energy to wait for someone to be ok with it. What can I do when someone struggles? Nothing. It’s a big thing I can’t really help with. Someday I’ll meet the guy who is already ready and who will take me as the whole awesome package.

I’m guessing us moms see things in more black and white…gimme feedback if you single moms agree 😉

I love being a mom. It’s a special part of my identity, and a part of who I am. Although my kiddos need me just as much, they are older now, don’t wake up a million times a night, and require less immediate hands-on direction than infants or toddlers. Which frees up a lot of my mental space to think about these things and to wonder. Haha…

Several years ago.
Several years ago. ❤

Tears are weird.

I had this plan to go to bed early, and therefore, get up early. The purpose of this early rising would be to heartily accomplish a list of things that, if completed, would lighten the mental oppression I feel about said list existing. You can relate, I’m sure.
I realized that I’m still staring at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling because I had a nap earlier in the day. Oho! Head start on sleep = blog post!

Ok that was a ridiculously long intro. The topic tonight is about crying.

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I’m totally going to bring back gifs. It’ll be MySpace all over again. But cooler. You know, without the MySpace part.

I’ll keep it somewhat short because who wants to read a blog post on crying? I don’t really want to. Last night I started thinking about causes of crying. I came up with shame, fear, loss, frustration, hurt, physical pain, release/relief, when your brother and sister-in-law (Matt and Steph it’s all your fault!) make you laugh way too hard because they’re too funny for their own good, and then there’s that awkward moment when you just finished a huge yawn and it made your eyes all watery and then people glance over just when you finished yawning and think you were tearing up…there are more…

Anyhow, all this pondering was because I had gone on a crying jag and in the middle of it, realized that it was a different kind of crying (release) than the last time (frustration). I also remembered reading something somewhere about how crying can be good for you. Something about stress causing a buildup of chemicals and toxins, and crying is a physical and emotional release of those. This article sums it up nicely, and it makes sense: The Purpose of Crying

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My point? Tears are weird. Emotions are too sometimes. But good. I’m up late. This post is long even though I said it wouldn’t be. So go ahead and cry. I won’t judge. Get those toxins out! It’s healthy. Maybe we can start a health club. Oh wait, someone’s already done that: Participants Ease Stress Levels at Crying Events – The Japan Times

Next blog post: Katie Betts hosts crying sessions, only $160 per session. 🙂