Dating: a mini chronicle

Guys I’ve dated and things I learned. Names have been omitted to protect the innocent. And not-so-innocent. 😉 And these are quick summaries, because I don’t want to bore y’all. But this is more for me than you anyway.

Not sure if I missed any, but these are the ones that stand out.

I got the idea from Smile me Pretty and I thought it was interesting.

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You were the first person I felt I was “in love” with. Of course I was super young, so I’m not sure if I knew what being in love meant, but it sure was euphoric. You wrote me romantic poetry and thought I was the most beautiful, amazing thing ever to have walked the earth. I adored you back just as much. Ah…young love.

You were my first official boyfriend. It was the first time I felt that “special connection” and I really enjoyed the magical time we shared. I missed you for years, and I’m glad we rekindled our friendship. You’ve been a sounding board and a great support to me.

You were head over heels for me. I wasn’t interested, but we were friends so I went on one date with you. I feel badly that it was leading you on, but I have since written you a letter of apology and you offered me your forgiveness. You are an amazing person.

You were  my rebound, and I was yours. But we knew it. We had fun anyway for the short time I struggled, and kept the loneliness at bay for a bit.

You were all wrong for me, but I was entranced by your outgoing, outspoken, amazing people-oriented ways. I loved being around that because it gave me permission to be the same. I felt badly at how much you were hurt by the ending of things.

We didn’t officially date, but I did fly down to LA to hang out with you and watch you perform in a play. You were a great buddy and I drew a lot of strength from you. Plus, you are hilarious. I loved how much I was laughing around you.

You were the catalyst for life-changing events. It was a difficult journey, but I am so glad things happened the way they did. I learned effective communication and respect, and I am a completely different person because of things.

You had OCD, and were a bit neurotic. The phrase I use, “I don’t do mean” came from having met you.  That’s something I have learned that I will not tolerate.

You are barely worth mentioning, because of the littleness of character you exhibited. But something great did happen because of you: my standards and list of things that I want in a relationship skyrocketed and I can define the difference between a boy and a man.

You were my recovery and recuperation. A safe place to hide from my wounds. I needed that time. You were great. I’m sorry the ending was so difficult.

You were too wrapped up in your own head and ego…there wasn’t much room for me. And you didn’t know what you wanted. Also, looks mean nothing if there’s no connection.

You were the first person I dated since my divorce who treated me like a gem. Chivalry is not dead! Your manners and respect were impeccable. I also appreciated your honesty in the last phone call. Thanks for that. Your bravery caused my respect for you to increase.

You were interesting, you got me curious. We never “dated.” You were really weird with me in public though. Not sure what that was about.

You said you knew what you wanted. But you didn’t? Or you weren’t ready for it. Therefore, it re-emphasized how much I really need for a man to be self-aware .

We also never dated because we’re too many states apart, but we would if you were here. I really appreciate your support and direct communication. You are a great example of consistency and stability. Thanks for that.

With you, I learned about who I am and what I want, independent of any other direct influence.  I have had to own and take full responsibility for everything. You have helped move me through the learning process regarding my issues with inconsistent men. One day I will figure out how to stop attracting inconsistency.

~~~

You can read Smile me Pretty’s original post here:

a chronicle of my dating history that i found in my drafts

me and Vitaly
So young

 

Long time no blog. And some stuff about insecurities.

I’ve been meaning to blog for some time. Thoughts come flitting in and out of my mind constantly, but I never seem to be near my computer when that happens. But here I am, sitting at my computer.  So I have no excuse.

What is on my mind? This.
I have been thinking about insecurities all day. I don’t like to admit I have them (who does?). I do just fine in my everyday life, thank you very much, being all independent and Katie-like. Then once in awhile out of the blue, something unexpected, and sometimes un-pinpointable (that’s not a word but I don’t care) will test it and voila – there they are. And then I spend some time struggling with their existence.

Insecurities are like when an animal hears a particular noise and associates it with something scary. From that point on, their fight-or-flight mode is likely to be triggered by the same noise, whether there is a real threat or not.  So it is with humans, sometimes. I have found that it takes a conscious training to undo this type of ingrained reaction.

Stupid subconscious insecurities that randomly make themselves known at inconvenient times, I think to myself.

Haha, but I just laughed, because when is it ever convenient? And actually, the point they appear is most likely the point they are meant to appear. Because that is how it is. Thanks, Universe.

Pics from the past couple weeks:

Oswald State Park, Oregon.
No, that’s not me. I wish! 😉

surfer

 

I flew kites!

 

kite